My 37th Birthday

I turned 37 in March and all I have been able to think about is, "Will I be here for my son's 37th Birthday?" I miss my mom so much it hurts. I remember when I was young, she would sit on my bed, scrunch up next to me, wake me up just for a second and whisper, "You were just born and I love you." When I was older, she would still call me at 1:09 a.m. and remind me of the same. She would tell me about all the love in her heart she would have for me and that I was hers no matter come what may. She would remind me who I was and I was part of her for always. So I sat on March 22nd in my room....two hours from my birthday and I tried to remember her voice. For those of you who have lost a parent, do you remember their voice? I am sometimes afraid that I will forget the voice that brought me comfort, scolded me when I was wrong, gave me the courage to be and do anything, the voice that could not hold a note, but was the sweetest sound when she sang me to sleep. Her laugh was beautiful, her smile mischievous.

Sometimes if I sit quitely, I can hear her voice but only in the quite still of my soul.